Hiding from God (Mark 9:34)

But they kept silent, for on the way they had discussed with one another which [of them was] the greatest.

Mark 9:34

On my way in to work this morning, I heard a teacher on the radio talking about how we get so fake in our prayer life. We come to God and spout religious-sounding things, but never actually bare our hearts to Him. As I read over this verse, I was reminded of that same statement and the idea of trying to hide things from God. The disciples had, according to other gospels, not just discussed who was the greatest, but argued about it. No wonder, then, that they tried to hide what had been going on from Jesus.

This pattern goes all the way back to Eden. Adam does what he is commanded not to do and hides when God shows up for His customary evening stroll with the first man and woman ever. Our primogenitor began the pattern and we have never managed to overcome the tendency in our own strength. But God knows. He knew way back in Eden. He knew when the disciples tried to hide it. He knows when I am withholding my deepest self in an effort to not seem as bad as I really am.

The problem is that God is not going to be able to work on making me any better than I am; any more like Himself until I admit just how messed up I really am. Not just to myself, but also to Him. If I am lying to God by trying to hide some aspect of who and what I am, then I break fellowship and harm any intimacy that exists. If I lie to my wife, I harm that intimacy. Why would it be any different with my God Who knows me better than my wife ever can (and not for lack of desire on either side)?

God, please enable me to stop hiding from You. Adam tried to hide behind bushes and the disciples tried to hide behind silence. Teach me how and strengthen me to expose who and what I really am to You; to lay myself bare in the presence of the God Who loved me while I was a rebel that hated Him. If You could love me then, how much easier must it be to love me now, flawed and imperfect though I am?

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